


Who

by orphan_account



Category: Falling in Reverse, I Don't Know How But They Found Me, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, Dallon needs to be appreciated, M/M, Partially based off a periscope stream, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-29 18:31:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11446602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Brendon let out a breath and read the paper Kenny gave him. "I hate you."





	1. Now

**Author's Note:**

> So instead of finishing my other fics, I did this. It might be really cringe because I was really tired when I wrote this and forgot it existed

**\- 0730, July 21st**

 

Another day, another cut. Ryan never knew what happened behind the scenes, or whenever they weren't together, but whatever. It wasn’t hard to cover up small cuts, Dallon sang it himself. There was a small knock on the bathroom door. “Dallon, you alright?” Ryan asked on the other side of the door. 

Dallon turned on the sink for background noise and cleaned off the razor. “Yeah, I’m fine,” Dallon responded, putting the blade back into the packet and into the medicine cabinet and quickly fixed up his appearance, running a soft towel over cold water and lightly pressed it around his eyes.

 

A few minutes later, Dallon hung up the towel and stepped out of the bathroom, seeing Ryan leaning against the wall, arms crossed and phone in hand, looking worried. “Something happen? Dallon asked. 

“Brendon called me asking if I knew why you left Panic. He said you left a note saying you were leaving after looking like your kids died the day before,” Ryan said.

“I just wasn’t feeling it anymore, being with Brendon and the guys,” Dallon muttered. 

“Don’t think I don’t know that you’ve changed the moment you got demoted back into a touring member, and your mental state just continued to decline from there. What happened to you?”

 

Dallon's mental conflict was at full blast, partially wanting to tell Ryan everything, partially just wanting to tell him to fuck off. Instead of doing either, Dallon just drifted into the memory of what happened that day.

  
  
  
****\- 7032, Ryan’s house** **

 

 

“Dallon!” Ryan’s voice snapped Dallon out of his memories and back into reality. He didn't realize, but Ryan was gently grabbing his long sleeve, and lead him to his living room, and sat down on the couch. Dallon did the same without a word. Taking a deep breath, Ryan lifted up Dallon's arm and looked at him for approval to go further. Dallon didn't stop him. It would be worse if he pulled away. Ryan pushed up the sleeve, and sure enough, there were cuts. Some light and shallow, some were faded or scabbed over, but the long, deep and red ones held Ryan's attention.  Some were across, a few were vertical. “Who made you do this?” Ryan whispered.

Dallon didn't respond. He didn't think he could. Hell, he couldn’t even look Ryan in the eyes.  _ ‘Zack was right,’  _ Dallon thought.  _ ‘I am weak.’ _

Dallon tried to ignore the onslaught of insults that his memory forced him to remember, things that they’ve said about him, ‘you’re too tall, too clingy, aren’t good enough, your music 

Isn’t good enough, your voice isn’t good enough. You’re not good enough.’

Suddenly tears fell down his face and Dallon didn’t have the energy or the drive to wipe them away, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ryan looking defeated, and even more concerned than before if that was possible. 

And so Ryan went for a hail mary. “It was him wasn’t it?” He asked. Remaining vague. “The one who hurt you, the one who destroyed your trust, the one that made you unable to look at the mirror and say ‘I’m proud of who I am,’ the one who broke your heart, the one who ruined you. It was him wasn’t it?” Ryan asked.

Dallon let out a shuddery breath. “Yes.”

Ryan pulled Dallon’s sleeve down. “Who?” He asked. 

Dallon swallowed the lump in his throat and turned to face Ryan, blinking away more tears. “Brendon.”


	2. Before

 

  * **Before, 1900, July 20th**



 

 

Dallon let it continue for far too long, the snarky teasing remarks made by Zack and Brendon that were jokes to them weren't to Dallon, and Kenny saw that, over the small smiles that hid pain behind them, and so Kenny stopped laughing at all the verbal beatings directed towards Dallon, but Dallon was too much of a gentle giant. He would never snap at any of his friends, even if they were hurting him. It was after the tenth “friendly” bash at Dallon's music before Panic and he thought it was enough. He was their verbal punching bag for long enough, so he forced out a laugh and got into his bunk on the tour bus, and pulled back the curtain. He dug out a notepad that Breezy had gave him before the tour from under his pillow along with a mechanical pencil, and started writing. He didn't write a song, but a note, explaining why he would be leaving the band, but after all the writing, he read it over a few times. A small part of his mind just said ‘Fuck what they think, just give it to them,’ while the other side thought it was too harsh. So Dallon just tore the page out and crumpled it up, and on a new page, he wrote, “I'm leaving.” 

 

Dallon had quickly packed up, taking his duffel bag and threw in all the necessities, leaving anything small and insignificant, and left that night. He left the note on his pillow and threw the first one away. The second he got far enough away from the bus, Dallon called Ryan and asked if he could pick him up, and his longtime friend obliged. Some part of Dallon told him to ignore the pain and focus on the happy parts from when he was in Panic, and memories he had made, to go back, but the darker side just said that they wouldn't care if he had left, and so Dallon went with that. 

 

 

  * ****July 21st, 0800 on the tour bus****



 

 

Morning rolled along, and Brendon woke up to a laser beam of sunlight blasting him in the face and got up, careful not to slam his head on the bunk above him and instinctively looked over to the bunk on his right after pulling back the curtain, Dallon's bunk. With the others in the living area of the tour bus, Brendon should've been able to hear soft snores or rustling from the other bunk, but it was silent. Brendon didn't think much of it, Dallon probably went for a walk or something, and got up out of the bunk and into the living area. 

“Morning fuckers,” Brendon greeted, taking a bag of chips from the counter. 

“Morning to you too, Brendon,” Dan muttered, looking up from his phone. 

“Seems quiet today doesn't it?” Brendon asked. 

Kenny nodded. “Is Dallon up yet?”

Brendon shrugged. “Probably. Now's usually the time he wakes up.”

Kenny hummed. 

“Why, something wrong?” Brendon asked. 

“Not really, we just need to go over the song list.”

“Well, I'll go get him then, Brendon muttered, putting the chips back asked wandered back into the bunks. He reached Dallon's, and knocked on the wood frame. 

No answer, no noise. 

“Dalon, you alright?” Brendon asked. 

Still no response, so Brendon pulled back the curtain. The bassist wasn't in his bunk, in fact, it probably wasn't even touched, the sheets were made and smooth, but there was a note faced down on the pillow. Naturally, Brendon picked up the note. Two words were written on it, two words so simple and yet Brendon couldn't believe it. “I'm leaving.” 

 

-

 

Kenny and Dan rushed to Brendon when they heard a loud yell and the sound of something being punched hard. “What happened?” Kenny asked, seeing Brendon clutching a piece of paper in his left hand that was shaking, no doubt it was the hand he used to punch the side of the bunks. 

Brendon held gave the paper to Kenny and sat down in Dallon's bunk, breathing heavily. Kenny blinked and read the paper; “I'm leaving.” Kenny sighed and gave the paper to Dan, who was instantly enraged. “He couldn't wait to tell us in person?! The fuck?” Dan yelled, exasperated. 

“Yeah,” Brendon growled. “What's your opinion, Kenny?” He asked. 

“If it's what best for him then I support him,” Kenny said. He knew all the issues Dallon has, everything that he goes through, after all, Dallon's the one that tells him everything that's bothering him, usually in the middle of the night, when everyone else is asleep. Dallon tells Kenny about his secret project, how much Zack pisses him off, how he wishes he's more talented, that people would notice him, that Brendon would protect him, and that he wished that Brendon hadn't started ignoring him, and their relationship. It was only a matter of time that Dallon finally left. Sure, Kenny was slightly annoyed Dallon didn't tell him before leaving, but he didn't blame him. 

“Of course you would say that, Kenny,” Brendon said. 

-

 

After Brendon had cooled down and called Dallon - to which there was no answer - Kenny went back to the living area and sat down at on the couches, and texted Dallon. He texted, “Why?” 

To which Dallon responded, “look in the trash.”

Kenny didn't question it, and went over to the trash can at the end of the couch. There was a bother piece of paper, crumpled up into a tight ball. He could see some patterns and writing on it, and picked it up, carefully straightening it out. Sure enough, it was Dallon's handwriting, and Kenny read the paper. 

 

-

 

“You know you could've just told me you needed to talk, you don't need to text it,” Brendon muttered, closing the door to the back area of the bus. 

“I'm assuming you know why I want to talk?” Kenny asked. 

Brendon nodded. “He still won't answer my fucking calls. 

“You really don't know why he left, do you?” Kenny asked.

“No, that's why I'm trying to calm him!” Brendon yelled. Good thing the room was soundproof. 

“Are you stupid? With all the shit you and Zack say about him, I'm surprised he hadn't left sooner!” Kenny yelled back, standing up. 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” 

“I'm taking about all the times you too make fun of him for everything, his religion, his looks, his music, voice, fucking everything! Don't you know that it hurts him when you say that shit?”

“And how the fuck would you know?” Brendon asked. Kenny glared at Brendon and shoved the note he found onto Brendon's  chest. “Because he tells me.” Kenny huffed and left the room, slamming the door shut. 

 

Brendon's mind was racing, running through every memory of him and Zack poking fun at Dallon, and Brendon hated himself for not noticing the obvious pain in Dallon even though he smiles and laughs. Brendon let out a breath and read the paper that Kenny gave him. 

_ “I hate you. I hate you for saying you care, that you would never hurt me, and then immediately do the opposite the moment we're not alone. I hate you for making me seem unimportant. I hate you for ignoring me. I hate you for ever loving me. I hate me because I ever loved you, for thinking you care. I hate you for making me invisible. Fuck you. I hate you for making me hate myself.”  _

Brendon didn't even realize he was crying until a tear hit the page. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yaay the first fic I finished


End file.
